Hello callers, the lovely/talented/intelligent and beautiful/sophisticated lady at


(just put your number, no dashes)

Is unable to take your call. She's busy
on Reddit.
riding a horse backwards with me.
listening to me read romantic poetry while I make a bouquet of paper flowers from each read page.
ingesting my delicious Old Spice man smell.
being serenaded on the moon with the view of the earth while surviving off the oxygen of lungs via a passionate kiss.
enjoying a lobster dinner I prepared just for her while carrying her on my back safely through piranha infested waters.